If you’re reading this post most likely you’re a nursing student or a pre-nursing student wanting more information about how to navigate relationships while simultaneously getting through the beast that is nursing school. I’m here to tell you it’s doable but it won’t be easy. A lot of my classmates are married, in long-term relationships, and there is even one couple that is doing the program together. All this to say that again it’s possible to succeed.

At the beginning of my nursing program I was in a long-term relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry. I was thinking about our future together, the type of home we would buy, what our children would look like, the works. We had been seriously dating for three years and I knew going into my nursing program that this program would test our relationship. Would would sink or we would swim and I so badly wanted us to swim. We had prior issues before I started school and this is important to note because it effected why things happened the way they did. So like I said, this program was going to determine if we sank or swim as a couple. Unfortunately, we sank. Two months into the program, I called it quits. He was my first love and I always thought making a choice to split up would be devastating. I expected depression and anguish. Long afternoons watching Law & Order SVU while eating strawberry cheesecake Ben & Jerry’s. I thought it would be the same awful experience I had helped some of my best friends get through. But I was fine. I was better than fine, I was stress free. I could think clearer and a weight was lifted.

Nursing school magnified and compounded all the issues in our relationship and because I was so busy and under so much stress I knew I was better off alone focusing on school than in a relationship that just added more stress. He and I had communication issues before the program and nursing school made our issues worse. But I’m not sad about what happened. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If he and I were meant to be than we would be together. And us splitting apart while I was in the program was a blessing in disguise. Maybe if I hadn’t been so busy I would have devoted more energy to being sad. But the fact is I didn’t have time to be sad. I barely had time to grieve. I had chapters to read and exams to prepare for. I was way too busy to spend a lot of time being sad about a failed relationship. These distractions helped me get through that tough time and for that I am grateful for nursing school.

I’m no relationship expert but I’ll offer some advice and how to navigate dating and nursing school as best as I can from my experiences.

1. Speak with your partner in-depth about what the upcoming months or years are going to be like.

Things are going to change. If you’re a couple that generally spends a lot of time together than those moments might be cut back. If you’re a couple that doesn’t get to spend as much time together, nursing school can compound that tissue. Communicating what is about to happen can prevent confusion and frustration. Communication also brings me to my next point.

2. Ask yourself what you will need from your partner during this time.

Maybe you want more space. Maybe you want less space. Maybe you want you partner to let you vent and listen to your frustrations or maybe you want your partner to tell you to suck it up and keep pushing. Maybe you need your partner to support you and keep you grounded financially or spiritually or emotionally. And this goes both ways. Everyone needs to communicate what they expect from each other. Letting your expectations be known can make this transition smoother. Starting my nursing program I was looking for my partner to support me emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, he tried, but he struggled to understand the amount of stress I was under. The stress of nursing school is really something only other nursing students can really understand. I don’t think I effectively communicated how I need him emotionally and what I expected. I just thought things would fall into place.

3. Make time for each other.

Nursing school is hard and being a nurse will be very rewarding at the end. However, don’t let this be at the expense of losing your partner. I know it will be hard but carving out time for each other is absolutely necessary. Plan a date night or a monthly staycation, whatever it takes.

4. Include your partner in this journey.

Even though your going through this difficult time in your education, your partner is also going through a transition. They may not fully understand what you experience but it’s unfair to shut them out because they may not understand. So if they ask you how your day went tell them. Tell them you did your first wound vac, if you were covered in amniotic fluid, when started your first IV, or fed someone oatmeal. Make them feel included. There on this journey with you.

These are things I knew before starting this program but I didn’t really implement like I should have.Although my relationship didn’t work out I’m glad it happened when it did. Like I said before I do believe every that occurred with my relationship happened for a reason. The biggest thing is communication and transparency. I hope I could help some out there. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I’ll make a separate blog post about gaining/maintaining/losing friendships while in nursing school. Until next time, see ya!